I don't feel any better, in fact I feel worse than ever.


I absolutely cannot stand it when people deliberately do something for the sake of merely getting your attention, your pity. That's desperate it you asked me, call me heartless, but sometimes i'm so used to it I don't want to bother anymore.

Ironically, I also tend to mindlessly trust those who are not so close to me, and easily suspect those who are. That's ridiculous you tell me, perhaps i'll provide you with an explanation that wouldn't make sense to most people. Its the fact that I'm close to them, that i'll actually bother to think repeatedly if they said something i'd deem 'hurting'. I don't trust those who don't trust me (not all the time, its only regarding certain matters), and let me tell you my deepest darkest secret. I'm afraid people'll hate me. I hate the feeling of somebody hating me. I despise that feeling. They're always the cause of all my emotional outbreaks from time to time, I lose my confidence when a random person gives me a look of irritation. Yes, I'm that fragile.


But at the end of the day, I'll still love who I hadn't trusted before because they're still close to me, and i love them. I'll also love the others, because it would be silly to not like a person just because of an incident or misunderstanding. Or simply because they didn't make me sad in the first place.

I don't like hating people or things. Probably why I'm so indecisive, I can't rank my favourite colours in order other than white for goodness sake, don't the colours all seem so beautiful? My world's all about colours and music. And you, my friends, my family, my beloved ones, all of you have a different colour even if you're not white. That's all that matters.



If you find my first three paragraphs greatly contradicting my last two, here's why: I forget the sad and angry things after some sleep, and my lifted spirits would stay for a week at least.


The first three paragraphs were obviously from yesterday's unpublished post.

However, i'm still feeling sick even after close to 10 hours of sleep, thus I can't go for today's performance. I apologize for any inconvenience caused to any of my choir mates. I'd really love to go and grab my last chances to perform, since I wouldn't have much opportunities besides the choir concert and perhaps the olomouc competition, if results would allow me to participate. Also, i really feel like saying this. I love AHSchoir :D The session yesterday had been fun and wonderful ^_^


Good luck to all those who'll be performing soon!